feeling resentful in your relationships?
There’s a quiet misunderstanding many of us carry into relationships—romantic, professional, familial, you name it.
We think what we deserve will arrive the moment we find the right person…
the right partner, the right friend, the right job, the right opportunity.
But here’s the truth we often skip past:
Nothing you deserve comes from someone else.
It comes from the standard you hold within yourself.
No one is going to hand you your worth on a silver platter.. it’s a birthright—but one you have to actively claim.
Again and again. Especially when your old patterns try to talk you out of it.
Deservedness: Your Inner Standard
Deservedness isn’t a performance metric.
It isn’t based on how “good” you are, how hard you work, or how flawlessly you show up.
It’s an inner truth that simply says:
“I am worthy of care, respect, reciprocity, safety, and love—because I exist.”
When you honor this truth, you don’t settle.
You don’t over-explain.
You don’t negotiate your self-respect to keep proximity, attention, or connection.
Your nervous system gets the memo that you no longer participate in self-abandonment as a love language.
Your inner standard becomes your baseline, not the exception.
Not the thing you reach for when you’re feeling strong.
The thing you return to when you’re feeling shaky.
This is the part only you can do.
Preferences: Your Outer Compass
Once you know what you deserve, preferences become the way you communicate it.
Preferences are not demands.
They’re not ultimatums.
They’re not tests.
They’re simply the shape of the life and relationships you want to create.
They’re the “How” to your deservedness’ “What.”
Examples?
“I deserve respect.”
→ I prefer partners who follow through and communicate clearly.“I deserve emotional safety.”
→ I prefer conversations that are calm, direct, and honest.“I deserve reciprocity.”
→ I prefer relationships where energy is exchanged, not extracted.
Preferences are how you teach people what matters to you.
They’re how you invite behavior that aligns with your values.
They’re how you model what you hope to receive.
And here’s the beautiful part:
Preferences help you stay open, not guarded.
Because they give you a framework for connection that is both empowered and relational.
Why Both Matter
Deservedness without preferences can turn into quiet resentment, you know your worth, but you’re not communicating what honor looks like in practice.
Preferences without deservedness can turn into chasing, you’re signaling what you want, but without the inner grounding that says, “And I will not settle for less.”
Together, they create a unified path:
Inner truth + outer clarity = aligned relationships.
It’s the foundation of mature connection…whether that’s romantic love, friendships, clients, or even your relationship with yourself.
The Questions That Change Everything
If you want to shift your relationship patterns, your confidence, or your boundaries, start by asking yourself:
1. Am I honoring my own deservedness?
Am I treating myself with the same level of care, respect, and consistency that I want others to show me?
Or am I expecting other people to validate what I’m not yet validating within myself?
2. Am I clearly communicating my preferences?
Have I invited people into my world with clarity?
Or am I hoping they’ll read my mind and magically understand my needs?
These two questions are simple…
but they will call out every pattern that’s kept you in misaligned relationships.
And also—they will set you free.
If You’re Ready to Explore This Work
If this feels like a gentle (or not-so-gentle) nudge from the universe, I want you to know:
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
I help clients build the kind of internal foundation that helps their outer world shift, relationships deepen, boundaries strengthen, and self-trust expand in real time.
If you’re feeling that pull, you can always reach out.
I’m here to support you in stepping into the life you’ve always deserved.
